You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
Randomize
