i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize
