so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
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