there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize
