We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Randomize
