Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
Randomize