Soap is not a condiment
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
Randomize
