my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
Randomize
