addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
Randomize
