i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
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