I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
