considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
You're a waste of cheezeits
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize
