she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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