you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
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