If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Randomize
