Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
Randomize
