Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
