He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Randomize
