When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
