Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
Randomize
