No awkward lesbian experiences without me
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
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