saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
