You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
