I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
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