The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
My dad is sitting where you rode me
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