I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
