you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
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