i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
Randomize