Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
Randomize
