Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
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