Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
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