put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
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