dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
Randomize
