Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
