well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
