I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
so my class lasted 15 minutes this morning because this kid puked all over himself..only at radford
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
