I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
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