this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
