Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
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