Me. At least after what I've been through.
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Randomize
