Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
You ruined the universe
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
