so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
Randomize
