the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
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