So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
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