What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
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