Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
Randomize
