Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
Randomize
