are you still at the devil's house?
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Randomize
