All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Randomize
