I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
