Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
Randomize
