oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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