what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
Randomize
