you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
Randomize
