omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
I would fuck him just for his dog
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
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