areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
Randomize
