i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
Randomize
