You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
Randomize
