how can u be prego again
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
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