Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
Reggie can tackle my bush.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Randomize
