she looked like the before picture.
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
