You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
