Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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