i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
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