so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
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