were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
Randomize
