I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
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