Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
Randomize
