Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
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