My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
