belinda wants 2 know wr u got ur butt pads
i dont wear butt pads that thang is au naturel
Yeah...right...LMAO
My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
What a dumb baby whore.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
