Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
