Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
Randomize
