my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
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