Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
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