Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
Randomize
