Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
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