my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
