I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
Two words: blizzard sex
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Randomize
