If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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