my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Randomize
