I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize
