And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Randomize
