i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
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