I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
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