Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
Your penis caused this!
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Randomize
