This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
