...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
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