Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
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