I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
Randomize
