i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
