Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
Randomize
