How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
Randomize
