what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
Randomize
