Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
True strength comes from lack of pants
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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