i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
