I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
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