Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
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