She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
Randomize
