as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
