I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
I met the friendliest cop last night
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
