Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Randomize
