worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
Randomize
